Memorial Service Speech by Tumi's Dad

One of the last books Tumi read was “The god of small things” written by Arundhati Roy. I am reading her book now and have found that it resonates in so many ways with Tumi’s life. Tumi’s life was short but in the time she was on this earth she achieved so much. And it was in the small things she did that add up to her creating this large canvas that reflects her life. Her friends, professors and colleagues have all mentioned to me how Tumi always left her mark on them in some way. Even a short glance that she would give, as an individual you would feel the depth of her presence, and her recognition of you as human being. Tumi was always a little reserved when first meeting people and would take time to know you before she would give more of herself. But when she did open up you knew there was something very special about her.

From the many emails and letters I have received it seems that anybody whoever met her remembers her. I have received correspondence from people who met her only once stretching from South Korea to Austin Texas, all expressing the incredible shining light and spirit she has. When she made friends they would be friends for life. This last summer she showed me her facebook correspondence and how the internet had allowed her to maintain and link with her friends from all over the world. For Tumi friendship meant more than communicating and sharing each others world. She was sensitive to other peoples feelings and really cared about them. She would be a constant source of support, emotionally and spiritually. I know this is true because I have had to pay her large cellphone bills. The one thing her friends from the Berkeley student co-op where she resided have told me is, that what they miss about her was her caring ways. Getting them out of bed in the mornings, helping them with their depression, and just being Tumi by always being there for them.

And as for the God of small things, for her friends and myself, the hardest has been those small things in everyday life that remind us of her. For they were very specific things that she loved. When arriving in the States for the first time it did not take her long to discover a good American staple food, namely “Franks red hot” sauce. She put this on virtually everything she ate. As I have always cooked for my children as one way I could express my love to them, I was never sure whether Franks was to enhance the flavor of my cooking or to hide it. But it is hard to cope with the loss of Tumi’s physical presence, as everywhere I go the small things that Tumi did and loved are constant reminders of her wonderful life. Her friends at Berkeley College, at a memorial service they gave amongst themselves, afterwards ate all her favorite foods, namely potato chips sprinkled liberally with Franks red hot sauce, plenty of olives, and cheese. This was her staple diet. So when it came to trying to figure out what to do in Tumi’s memory with her friends at Berkeley I jokingly asked them if they would like an annual supply of Franks. Seriously though at the co-op Casa Zimababwe, there is a wonderful garden and I and Cindy with the consent of with her friends and the cooperative have decided to sponsor an annual amount for the upkeep of the garden and place a sundial in there in memory of Tumi. The garden was one of her favorite places and I have an image of her caring for the corn crop, a plant that links her to her African roots. It is a place where she and her friends would find solace and comfort by being in nature.

Tumi had a great love of nature and in particular loved animals. At one stage we had a whole menagerie in South Africa with 5 cats, two dogs, two rabbits, a parrot, three budgies and two parakeets, plus the odd stray dog that felt this was a good place to shack up at. Tumi’s heart was so big and with her childhood friends in Pretoria South Africa they formed an organization called “Keep it clean, keep it green club.” When she was little over 9 years old. This was to be her first venture into philanthropy, fundraising and being part of and leader of an organization that was to make a small difference in this world. With the money she and her friends raised they gave it all to the SPCA.

But Tumi had another special gift and that was her imagination. Through her imagination and ability to be original she developed leadership skills as well. These visions were large too. I remember quite a few times Tumi organizing with her friends to create these huge tent homes that covered the living room with all the sheets in the house. We would keep these tents up for days and she and her brother Lebo would eat, sleep and play in them. There would always be a huge scramble to tidy up before their mum came back from a trip away.

At the same time Tumi was a deep thinker and highly sensitive. She kept many things to herself. Often after reading her a story at night I would reflect with her on her experiences that day. I would also always go back to check after saying good night to ensure she was okay. Sometimes I would find her crying quietly to herself trying to deal with an issue on her own. These were always heart wrenching moments trying to protect your child from experiencing pain in life. She was a very happy child however and even towards the end of her life expressed what a joyous and happy childhood she had had.

(Celebrate her life as an artist.)

All through her life she was creative and innovative in her ideas and particularly in her artmaking.

One of my earliest memories is of her as a 4 year old, and upon arriving home she came to greet as at the front door with great excitement to show what she had done. Tumi gave a tour where every single wall space of the house had been drawn on with a sharpie marker. As an artist I found the drawings to be exquisite, with narratives connected to each one. In those early days she would draw, paint and work in clay. She had a strong sensibility and had a mature approach to artistic processes.

It was when she came to New York that she began to excel in her art. But besides engaging in art she was an exquisite ballerina and went to the Joffrey school of Ballet in her middle school years. Her strong sense of discipline and correct posture gave her an added advantage in understanding her moves. One of her best pieces of art was a translation of the rhythm and movement of her ballet into a beautiful series of dancing figures made out of single strands of wire.

At Beacon School her art strengthened and she began to work more conceptually, her final work in collaboration with her dearest friend Kendra took up an entire room. It was both conceptual and esoteric.

At Mills College she really excelled in ceramics and drawing. Even although she was not studying art full time her work was admired by the other students as the professors always used her as an example of her praxis and how things could be done. At Mills Tumi really started to come into her own and her professors spoke to me how she was beginning to really discover her strengths and what she wanted to do in life. It was gratifying to me that she was still not giving up on her artistic side either.

There are so many many stories that a father can have about his daughter. One of my fondest and most meaningful memories are the walks that I had with Tumi taking her to middle school and first year of high school at beacon – It was in these walks that she showed such an enthusiasm for life and had such an enquiring mind. My approach to life has tended to be more philosophical and reflective and these small walks provided, I believe, the small steps of what was to help her in future directions in her life. We covered topics such as love, social issues, art, current affairs and tried to work out solutions for the world. We laughed, cried and in the process strengthened the bond between us.

The summer of 2006 and the last six weeks of her life she spent helping me in the “Creative Art Start” Summer art camp, that Cindy and I started at the Allen Stevenson School. She was truly remarkable and had such a wonderful approach and aptitude for teaching. The boys and girls all loved her gentle and quiet way of doing things. And she was the one with remarkably original ideas to motivate all the campers. I have received so many letters and drawings from children who met her and who were touched by her.


Tumi always laughed and many of us remember her by her laugh and her beautiful smile. At her 20th birthday party a few days before she passed on, she had many of her girlfriends over to our apartment for the evening. Her friends are also just like Tumi, an exceptional group of people who are extremely talented and who I am sure are going to impact on the world in a very special way. At that party she was so joyous with hope and love. She had come through some difficult times but had resolved so much. And even in ways when it was most difficult for her, like when she first met Cindy my partner and wife. S he always made a point of extending herself with grace and sensitivity. That evening she expressed her love for Cindy.


Tumi has taught me so much. She has also taught me so much in these last few weeks since her passing. Essential questions of why we are here and what our purpose is. Her determination, resolve and deep understanding of love has confirmed my belief in hope and the importance of giving that to the students I teach. I feel honored and humbled that she chose me as her father. She is a great spirit and her light continues to shine in my life.
A saying by Rabindranath Tagore epitomizes Tumi as I live my life forward: “ Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is still dark”